Thursday, June 28, 2012

Get Me Off This Crazy Ride!

Psalm 43:5 
Why are you downcast, 
O my soul? 
Why so disturbed within me? 
Put your hope in God, 
for I will yet praise him, 
my Savior and my God.

My week has thrown me a few curves and I feel kind of discombobulated. I realize that even in my kind of scattered approach to life I am a creature of habit. I have built in stability people and routines that help keep me stable or centered. I have felt like this week God has been saying He needs to become my stability structure, not people or routines.  He is the rock I can run to when everything else around me seems to be shaken. Its not all bad stuff - any change is uncomfortable and when lots of little and a few big things change it is a recipe for that "help my world feels out of control" feeling.
 That has been my week. I've had some close friends move on in their life. My aunt had a heart attack and was life flighted to Spokane and my mom has been staying at our house all week to be near the hospital. Thankfully my aunt is doing well considering her near brush with death. My moms a bit stressed over the changes to my aunts care and how she will manage.
I guess I must be trying to manage to many things and its coming out in me forgetting things. Yesterday I parked my car and left it in drive and it rolled backward and hit a wall and my bike rack crashed through the window. At this point I've put the car in the garage and will have to deal with it on Friday. To top off my day, I managed to spill a whole glass of red crystal light on the carpet. At that point after cleaning up that mess I decided I should just go to bed. I am trying to take things a day at a time.

So this morning is a new day I've run my mom to the hospital and I have a few hours before I need to go to work. I should call the insurance company...and I should do this... or that... and I find myself not wanting to rush from this quiet time with the Lord into my day. I'm to the point of stop the world, I just need to get off this crazy ride for a little bit. 

So how will I manage these feelings. I'm sure some of them are just in my head and if I step back I will be able to see  - "Oh Look Margot - the Lord is still on the throne of the universe, and he has not forgotten you". 

In my search for the verse that says, yet I will praise the Lord, I came across a song I had forgotten that is ministering to me. I thought I would record it for you, and perhaps I will eventually. Today I just don't have the space in my brian to dealing with the recording process. So I am just going to embed the video I've been listening to this morning.

I guess the point of this post, is where do you turn when things get crazy, overwhelming, and out of control? 

I run to the Lord and even though I have had a long and difficult week, I know I can turn to Him. He will hold me tight till this storm passes and my world feels stable once again. . I have decided that I would be real in these posts and not just pretend to be a super got it all together Christian.
The sun will come up tomorrow. The carpet is not stained, the car window can be replaced, my aunt is still with us, I have lots of wonderful friends and a supportive family. Its really not as bad it feels. 
It mostly just change, any change is uncomfortable. Remembering that helps kind of quiet the anxiety and reminds me to take my eyes off all the stuff and keep them on Jesus. He will see me through this day and those that follow. I don't have to stuff these feeling and go through my days as the detached observer. I can feel these things, and I will be ok. 

I hope something I've said will encourage and help you. I know some of you are facing far more difficult things than me.

Lord come be near us in this day. When It feels like too much to bear, help us to remember to let you carry the load with us. Help us to remember that you know what going on. You know how much we can take. Lord help us to change where you want changes. Help us to trust you in the discomfort of the changes that are all ready taking place in our lives. Lord become the foundations of our support structures.


No comments:

Post a Comment

God's Original and Final Intent part 5

This is my final paper for The International Healing Rooms School of Transformation in Spokane Washington. Its is very long paper so I ...